70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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