dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
