yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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