Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
only you would photoshop your dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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