he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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