she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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