So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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