Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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