Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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