New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize