I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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