I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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