This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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