Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
