I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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