Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm gonna fight the coyote
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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