I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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