I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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