can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
