I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
