I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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