Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize