I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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