So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
