it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
operation have a gay friend backfired
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize