is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
There's even glitter on my cock...
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