You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
