Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
