Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
