More tranny stories later!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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