So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
