perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
