he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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