She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
