like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
