i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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