he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
