Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
