I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
