I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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