it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
