I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
