i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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