Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There r osticjed everywhere
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
