the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
