he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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