if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
