just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
