just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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