Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
