Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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