it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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