I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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