so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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