Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize