Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
