I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
