Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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