I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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