You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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