we have officially lost it.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
