its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
