I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
