Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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