I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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