I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
