Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You have to summon your inner elephant
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize