Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
