Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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