Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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