Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
