yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
