I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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