I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
