so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
