pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
