dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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