I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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