U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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