Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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