I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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