Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
