Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
