just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
