I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
