In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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