The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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