im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
