Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
