Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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