It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im six kinds of drunk right now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
