I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
